Mrs. Creamer after being confronted, photo taken by the Satire Sleuths.

The Sweet Saboteur, a mysterious figure plaguing the halls of Woodgrove High, was finally arrested on the 3rd of March, 2022, and is in SRO custody. 


The identity of the perpetrator was revealed in a press conference held on March 10th, 2022. Mrs. Creamer, a gourmet foods teacher at Woodgrove, was found to have been the culprit behind the sugary crimes. Many students and staff had suspected Creamer after authorities released evidence from the crime scene. This included traces of flour and a pair of scissors, the murder weapon.


People managed to connect the clues by pointing out that the flour and scissors are both things that can be found in one of the classrooms that Creamer frequents. The fingerprints left at the scene, previously unidentifiable, are now known to have been Creamer’s. Students also suspected Mr. Olejer, who worked in similar circumstances as the culprit.


New details emerged recently about how the suspect was confronted. Ultimately, when questioned by her students, Creamer admitted to being behind the crimes. “I realized that added sugar wasn’t all that bad, I was just upset about the marketing to kids,” said Creamer shortly after being discovered. “You can eat anything in moderation.”


“I’m so glad that there is justice for Wheats,” says Katrina Honcharik, a close friend of one of the victims. “All of this was unexpected, but I’m glad it’s been put to rest.”


Despite the overall relief from the loved ones of the victims, there have been other sentiments made by the public. Some question the true morality of the business conducted by the deceased, Mr. Mini Wheats and Mr. Flakes, who promoted cereals filled with sugar to kids. Justified or not, it can be agreed that sabotage was an extreme move to take. 


Mrs. Creamer was sentenced on March 11th to a whole day of relaxing meditation to atone for her crimes.