Congratulations are in order for all of the recent unions of happy couples! This must be an exciting time in your life: your sister, mother, neighbor, dog-sitter, and therapist have all exchanged vows and taken the title of Mrs. Glen Powell. Of course, your new brother-in-law and step-father being the same man may introduce some complications, but love will soon turn this minor issue into a thing of the past. You ask all of them if Glen is aware that he’s married to five separate people, and you get the same answer everytime: Nope, but who cares! Again, love is all that matters.  

As you start your day with doom scrolling in bed, you come across a picture of Glen Powell standing unusually close to co-star Sydney Sweeny. The caption leads you to believe that their on-screen chemistry in “Anyone But You” wasn’t all forced. Then it dawns on you—your own sister is being cheated on! Your mother is in an unfaithful marriage. Your neighbor will move away after the divorce, your dog-sitter will be too distraught to remember to feed your precious golden-doodle, and your therapist will spend all session asking you for advice. Worst of all, Glen won’t even acknowledge what he’s done. 
Another swipe fuels the devastation, as Duexmoi has recently posted that Harry Styles, one of your favorite artists, did not name his latest album after your dog. Rude. 

Now, it’s Sunday! Today marks the beginning of a new week. It also means that football is on… interpret that as you please. The Giants game is playing, as per usual, and your dad, your neighbor who is married to Glen Powell, and her husband who probably doesn’t know she is married to Glen Powell are all yelling at the screen. Poor Jaxson Dart. Not only does he have to deal with the embarrassment of throwing an interception, but now he has to handle the berating comments of your family members, all of whom claim they would have thrown a more accurate pass, too. Could you throw less interceptions than a starting NFL quarterback? We definitely could, too.
As if their day couldn’t get any worse, the running back from the other team fumbles the ball. On most occasions, that would be a good thing, but since one of the loud people in the living room started that player on their fantasy team this weekend, the irritated groans turned into what sounds like a riot. However, you’re lucky. You get to escape the noise because you’re going camping tonight!
What more scenic to go camping than on the sidewalk outside of Madison Square Garden? There is no easier way to earn a 100 on your Oura Ring sleep score than while breathing in the scent of fresh car exhaust and street vendor steam, looking up to see the blinding billboards illuminating the sky, and cuddling damp sewer rats. An affair that lasts anywhere from two hours to two days, there seems to be no easier way to get Harry Styles to invite you to his Thanksgiving dinner than to trample all of the other campers to the front row of the general admission section. After the heartbreak of realizing that his public relations team handles his Instagram account, meaning he did not see your 452 direct messages where you confessed your undying love for him, you were left with no other choice. Besides, the rats are kind of cute, right?
On the way in, you probably break a nail or two, flat tire the person in front of you and stub the toe of the person behind you, and if you’re really unlucky, get pickpocketted while trying to shove your way to the front. However, none of that matters because you’re finally where you wanted to be: right in front of the stage. Since you’re in general admission, you can’t sit down. You have to stay standing for another two hours before you even get to see your beloved Harry. You need to go to the bathroom? Funny. The twelve-year-old behind you holding an “I WANT ONE DIRECTION TO GET BACK TOGETHER” sign has been ready to pounce on anyone in the first row that dares to even take a step back.
The show starts at 7 p.m. Since you were lucky and you didn’t get pickpocketed, you look down to check your phone to see how long is left until Harry takes the stage. However, your phone is dead. It died while you were camping the night before, obviously. Afterall, camping is about touching grass and whatnot, so mission accomplished, right? Wrong. Now you can’t make that one cousin you secretly hate jealous by posting that you spent half of your emergency savings on seeing her favorite artist in concert (she’s convinced that all of Harry’s songs are about her tragic love life, which is just so not true. They are definitely about yours.) You choose to believe that it died because you forgot to charge it before you left the house, and not because TicketMaster crashed about nine times while purchasing your ticket.
However, at the end of the day, it’s all worth it because your favorite gossip account confirmed that Glenn Powell is in fact single, Jaxson Dart and the Giants scored that game winning field goal, and Harry Styles didn’t invite you to his Thanksgiving dinner, but he did make eye contact with you, so same thing, right?